Jack Bauer Jokes

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.

Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.

Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked".

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

These are the cool ones. There are many more at http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty